Feels like your just totally alone. You’re totally alone within your head. You might get up and get dressed and get washed, you look the part and think ahh you look good today, but inside your head your so depressed. You feel cold you feel lethargic. You put the kettle on to make a cup of tea and you haven’t even got the energy to make the cup of tea! You feel like life is just going on around you but you don’t know what’s happening to you.
'She's alright, she doesn't have anything wrong with her, you can't see anything' But she's not alright, she's in a black hole.
People will say to you ‘what you got to be depressed about, you’ve got a home, nice family, you can go the pub for a drink, you’re always the life and soul of the party! What’s up with you?! Pull yourself together, get on with you life’. That’s the worst thing to say..cause if you could, you would. There’s no way of getting out of it. You’re stuck.
You get to a point and you just think, you know what, I’m too much of a burden, and you get to the point when you actually start believing it would be easier for them if you were gone, but it wouldn’t.
With depression, it isn’t that you want to die, you just want to get away. You don’t know what you want to get away from, you just have to get away.
Im so close to killing myself it’s unreal. Yet I’m so calm. Im not doing this anymore. It won’t be long now, so goodbye.